Unscheduled Bliss

I had just gotten dressed and was preparing to go downstairs for toast and coffee when the power went out.  Oops, there went my morning plan for breakfast and work. Feeling unhinged from the surprise disruption, I initiated a drive to the local farm stand where we bought coffee and some kind of scone.  This helped considerably.

Sitting in the car watching the play of light on the flowers and vegetables outside, it suddenly occurred to me how beautiful it all was, and how I wouldn’t be having this midweek morning bliss if the power hadn’t gone out.  Inconvenient as such things are, it’s hard to turn down unscheduled bliss.  

The coffee wasn’t bad either. 

 

Photo credit: Rick Obst from Eugene, United States, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Truth and The Text: Taking Borges Out of Turn

I read Borges’ story “Pierre Menard, Author of Don Quixote,” but not in chronological fashion.  I’m tempted to say “not in the fashion the author intended,” but there’s no way to know that.  But I can say, unequivocally, that I “read around” in it before reading it properly, and spent the majority of my time on page 53 of the Grove Press edition⁠1, in which Borges quotes Cervantes and Menard as follows:

“…truth, whose mother is history, who is the rival of time, depository of deeds, witness of the past, example and lesson to the present, and warning to the future.”

I was impressed with this quotation but confused as to how the two seemingly identical quotes differed.  I read the Cervantes version again.  Then the Menard version.  They still seemed the same.  Had I missed something?  I read them side by side.  The same, truly and indisputably identical.  And yet I read on the same page that there are “vivid” contrasts in style and content between Menard’s version and Cervantes’.

It wasn’t until I skipped back a page that I found the solution to the puzzle: “The text of Cervantes and that of Menard are verbally identical,” Borges writes, making this a Borgesian joke unlikely to be encountered since most people start at the beginning of a story and read toward the end…

 The joke more often encountered is the narrator’s conclusion that the two texts are identical “but the second is infinitely richer.” Ha! this is funny because it’s impossible, we say.  But of course, in the world of ficciones, we are wrong.

The meaning of a text changes depending on the context assumed by the reader.  If the reader thinks (as Borges suggests) that The Imitation of Christ⁠2 was written by James Joyce, they are likely to interpret it differently than if the reader thinks it was written by Céline.  Borges calls this “a new technique…of reading,” involving “deliberate anachronism and erroneous attributions” to create a “renovation” of the original.  

Which is more important, then, the truth or the text?  Perhaps it depends on the text.

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1 Of the collection Ficciones

2 In fact, it was written by Thomas á Kempis sometime before 1440.

 

Photo credit: Adolf Hoffmeister, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Writing as Both Noun and Verb

Recently I’ve been trying to figure out ways to increase my writing — the amount I complete, publish, and otherwise bring to fruition; the amount of time I spend doing it.  For some time now, the answer to the first part has been “zilch,” while the second value has hovered just above “very little.”  I spend very little time doing almost no useful (publishable) writing.  So we have that out of the way.

Naturally, this is not the state of affairs I prefer. 

I enjoy writing and once I get started, I can write happily, sometimes for hours.  But the part I steadfastly avoid is getting started.  For some reason, I resist writing, or for that matter, any creative effort, whether it’s what I do naturally (write) or something I do because I need to exercise some different skills (arts and crafts, gardening, cooking).  Is it because I’m not required to be creative that I can’t engage?

Whatever the reason, I find I’m like the cat who can’t decide what to do next. Faced with too many options, the cat will groom.  In a similar position, I plan.

I can plan all day.  I love to plan.  I make lists like it’s nothing.  Think and plan—not do.  When it comes to action, I lose my resolve and fall into what DeLillo calls “drift and lethargy.”  Oh what a relief that even the great DeLillo has problems with procrastination.  But then he has this crazy thing called discipline.

Because it’s relevant and also fun to read, here are a few comments from brilliant and prolific author Don DeLillo on writing and work habits.  He writes:

I work in the morning at a manual typewriter. I do about four hours and then go running. This helps me shake off one world and enter another. Trees, birds, drizzle—it’s a nice kind of interlude. Then I work again, later afternoon, for two or three hours. Back into book time, which is transparent—you don’t know it’s passing. No snack food or coffee. No cigarettes—I stopped smoking a long time ago. The space is clear, the house is quiet. A writer takes earnest measures to secure his solitude and then finds endless ways to squander it. Looking out the window, reading random entries in the dictionary. To break the spell I look at a photograph of Borges, a great picture sent to me by the Irish writer Colm Tóibín. The face of Borges against a dark background—Borges fierce, blind, his nostrils gaping, his skin stretched taut, his mouth amazingly vivid; his mouth looks painted; he’s like a shaman painted for visions, and the whole face has a kind of steely rapture. I’ve read Borges of course, although not nearly all of it, and I don’t know anything about the way he worked—but the photograph shows us a writer who did not waste time at the window or anywhere else. So I’ve tried to make him my guide out of lethargy and drift, into the otherworld of magic, art, and divination.”

Don DeLillo, from an interview  the Paris Review, 1990s?

How wonderful. I find this statement almost as inspirational as DeLillo finds Borges’ photo.  It’s a “guide out of lethargy and drift.”

Inspired by this snippet of DeLillo, I have begun to read Borges finally, after years of wanting to but never being able to remember his name when I was in a bookstore.  Or pronounce it, for that matter.  His name, the name of this great author, thinker, and student of literature is Jorge Luis Borges.  He writes short pieces, often as short as 2-3 pages, with evocative titles and playfully misleading premises.  People like to talk about how he writes reviews of imaginary books, which he does, but playful as it seems, it’s so much more than just a game.  He’s such a genius at fantasy that after a very short while, the author himself starts to seem fictional too.  But returning to imaginary books—why?

(An answer—suppose a book needs to be written, but no one has written it.  Why go to the trouble of writing this book when you can just take its existence for granted and comment on it yourself? This is Borges.)

I’m reading Borges and like DeLillo, I find Borges’ face haunting, especially his upward gazing eyes on the Grove Press cover of Ficciones.  The silver nitrate-colored oblong that fills most of the front cover portrays Borges in a theater-like space, clearly looking, seeing.  But Borges is blind.  This black and white screen, this tesseract of potential vision, is a cinema of the mind, faceted beyond the limits of imagination.

I’m inspired by Borges, his writing (what little I’ve read), and the man himself, who emanates mystery and, again quoting DeLillo, opens the door “into the otherworld of magic, art, and divination.” How can you not love this?  Eliot would have, T. S. that is, had he read him.  (The two were contemporaries.)  The reader enraptured, the writer enflamed.

Borges says anything is possible in writing, language, and literature. Anything can be created, interrogated, forced to give up secrets. In like manner, Borges sees writing as a tool to approaching life’s knotty questions, all of them really, from “why are people so messed up” to “life, the universe, and everything.”  Borges says that you don’t need thousands of words to do this.  From 5 to 5000, it might be enough.  The goal is simply to answer the questions.

Moving away from my inspirators, who are only peripheral to this narrative, I know there are a lot of things I’d like to sell, but not here babe.  (Every time I turn around, I find I’m shot.)

Why do I mention Malkmus?  What does Pavement have to do with my writing practice?  Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that Malkmus read DeLillo, not just the big sexy books like White Noise and Libra, but the quirky, early stuff like Americana, from

which I feel sure Malkmus plucked the line “there’s no coast of Nebraska” on his band’s own tour de force, Brighten the Corners.

Everything connects.

One day recently, after allowing all the fore-written to ramble through my brain for a sufficient amount of time for it to settle comfortably into my subconscious and simmer, I started to get useful directives.   Nothing deep, nothing heavy, man.  Just simple, easy things to do. Here’s one.

1.  Write every day even if only for 30 minutes.  Write every day.  Write for 30 minutes, or longer if you want.  Write for as long as you want but at least for 30 minutes, no matter what you think the outside world wants of you. Write every day.

Here’s another:

2. Publish this writing somewhere, most practically on a blog or other web site.  Your post can be short, very short, indeed.  All that’s necessary is that you say something.

And that’s that.  Do these two things every day.  Do them early and do them with enthusiasm, and you will not go wrong.

Postscript:

Another writer who has inspired me with his description of his work ethic is Ernest Hemingway; chiefly, the bits of avuncular advice  on writing that I’ve been able to glean from his early memoir A Moveable Feast.  There he writes that he likes to write every day, often in a cafe, out of doors, (the Closerie Des Lilas, most frequently).  What makes his approach uniquely useful is the transition from one day to the next.  Specifically, he likes to end his sessions with something juicy to get started with the next day⁠1—a sort of “writer’s cliffhanger,” if you will. And so to that end, the next essay in this series will be about the corruption of the narrative.  Only I know what I’ll say,  but it’ll be good.

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1 “I had learned already never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.” – Ernest Hemingway, “Une Generation Perdue” from A Moveable Feast, p. 26

Treading Water

Originally written Friday, February 6, 2015

When we first moved to Vermont, we met a young woman who could manifest things with her mind. She proved it by obtaining a seemingly miraculous array of good things that she genuinely needed but with such rapidity that it felt like magic. Never mind that she was cute, funny, and a veritable damsel in distress. She had mind power!

As much as I wanted to believe that such feats are possible, I knew in my heart that our friend hadn’t manifested with her mind so much as telegraphed her distress. Naturally people flocked to help her. Moreover, her needs weren’t actually that great.

Would that all needs were as simple as a car or an apartment. Those one-offs are easy to manifest. The hard ones are when what you really want is an upgrade of your life.

As it turns out, upgrading your life is a tough goal (although downgrades are easy). Major changes are hard to achieve by any means, including the old fashioned ones like mental effort, strategy, and hard work. You do all the right things, or at least as many of them as you can manage, and still you end up where you started. Is it possible the goal is unattainable? Or is it just that I’m using the wrong means? There are times when you doubt these things.

I’m one of these people who finds life unbearable without a purpose. I can’t do things that seem pointless. It just seems like a waste of time, and for me anyway, time is increasingly precious. But so is money, and that’s where it gets dicey. You find yourself sacrificing time and well-being for money, because (we suppose) money will buy us both. But it doesn’t. Money is a voracious beast. If you make it your goal, it will swallow you whole.

“To chase money or to try to live without it, that is the question.”

I’ve run across a few examples lately of people who have good jobs with high salaries, but who are miserable at work. Since they spend a lot of time working both in and out of the office, this misery follows them around. I’m jealous of their incomes, but what they go through to earn them doesn’t seem worth it. Then I remember that you can be just as miserable and also be broke, and so the argument continues — to chase money or to try to live without it, that is the question.

Obviously, you can’t “live without it” in 21st century America. That’s just silly. But you may have to live on less than you think you need, and that’s a drag. For the middle class, on whom downward trends are acting, the struggle is to stay middle class — to have enough money coming in to keep living more or less as we have been. This is a negative struggle — we are striving not to fall. Unfortunately, trying not to fall is a never-ending battle. It’s hard to gauge success and you’re never sure if it’s safe to stop doing it.

So we tread water in a veritable sea of uncertainty and wait to be rescued, by a change of times or a change of circumstance or even a magical intervention — we aren’t picky. Meanwhile, the need for meaning and purpose becomes subverted when that purpose becomes “staying afloat.” If nothing else, it sucks energy from the better things we could be “manifesting” if only we had our time and well-being back.

It’s The End Of The World As We Know It

There’s a funny skit on the Don’t Crush That Dwarf album by Firesign Theatre in which two tv news anchors banter about the apocalypse.  “Last year, Patty, you and the viewers will be interested in noting that the world ended.”  To which his partner replies, “As we know it, Hugh!”

This is kind of what’s happened to us.  The world, as we knew it, has ended and now we’re in a new world, feeling less than brave, and facing all four Horseman of the Apocalypse at the same time.  For people who’ve been living in the virtual world for most of the last two decades, waking up and discovering that the real world that we were counting on is going, going, gone, the whole flaming mess we’re in must seem like a bridge too far.  How could we have gotten to this?

I’ll leave you to puzzle that out on your own while we move on to the more existential discussion of what should be doing with ourselves while the world finishes collapsing. If this really is the end of the world, how do we justify continuing to waste our time on business as usual?  Don’t we want to do something better with our lives, both individually and collectively, than what we’re doing now?  This assumes that you don’t love what we’re doing now.  If you do, you’re fine — carry on.

This thought came to me while I was preparing to switch gears once again to taxes and I thought, here they’re talking about nuclear war on NPR, and I’m about to spend an hour or more finding out why the PayPal account is out $28.  Does that $28 even matter given the enormity of the problems that face us “out there,” and what our lives are likely to be like in the coming days, weeks, months?

Assuming we get through this geothermal nuclear war scare, and I certainly hope we do, the fact still remains that we live on a planet amongst people, ourselves included, who still see war — the murder and destruction of people and cities for political reasons — as a viable and even desirable option, depending on how much we hate (or fear) our enemy.

Why do we even believe in war anymore?  Haven’t we gotten beyond that with our AI and our Internet and our supreme intellectual superiority over all things?  How can intellectually superior people still think that blowing things up and killing people is a worthy endeavor that we have to keep doing?

War is one horseman we could do without and we have the ability and the means to do so.  If we could put personal gain and our emotions aside (which we can), we could let go of things that aren’t helping anyone, and embrace other views that serve us better.  For instance, people could negotiate fair terms with each other and avoid war.  We could do that.  But we’d need to let go of our hatred first, which will be difficult not because we can’t but because we don’t want to.  For whatever reason.  But all said and done, it is within our power to end war.

Ending war would give us more money to do other things, and this would enable us to work to solve other pressing issues, such as disease (the pandemic which is not really over even though we say it is), famine (our farming methods are killing us and the planet but we don’t care), climate change (whose effects are already proving disastrous), and poverty (which negatively affects not only the sufferers but society at large).

We could survive the 21st century with some form of ecosystem and culture intact, but we won’t be able to do it with the values we have now or the tools we’re using.  We need to stop choosing and following leaders who have these old, outworn, and completely counterproductive values.  We need to define for ourselves what the new values will be, and be honest with ourselves that if they don’t include peace, love, compassion, mutual aid, joy, fairness, and equality, then we can forget about it.  We’ll still be in the old world of war, hatred, selfishness, greed, anger, unhappiness, unfairness, and inequality.  And we all know where that leads — straight to where we are now, or to reiterate my opening salvo, “the end of the world.”

Do we want that?  I don’t.  And yet everything we do continues to support this bankrupt “dominant paradigm.” There has to be a better way, but until we find it, we’ll all keep marching on — to work, to war, off into the sunset.

We’re led by by our leaders to believe that we, people of Earth, are powerless to solve our problems.   We’re not.  We just don’t want to yet.  We’re not prepared to sacrifice any aspect of the present for a better future, even if the present sucks!  Maybe it’s just a matter of the devil you know, but if we don’t get over it, we’re going to run into a new devil and this one will be merciless.

In closing, I will prove my point about the present state of human values.  You will know where yours are by just how crazy my next sentence sounds to you: The old world may be ending but we can make a better world for all of us by adopting values that serve the entire planet and working toward goals that benefit us all.  See how easy it is?  Let’s just hope that we come to this realization before there’s nothing left to save but piles of ashes, corpses, and debris.

Autumnal Rites – September 24, 2021

We got the predicted rain last night.  Sometime after midnight, in the darkest hours of the night, the rain began to pour.  It was hard not to notice.  Even the cat was intrigued, opening the curtains to look out despite the fact that it was several hours before dawn.

Dark as it was then, it is now as bright.  The sun came out after noon and the sky cleared to a pale, well-washed blue.  A light breeze ruffles the ever more golden leaves.  Autumn is here.

And why wouldn’t it be?  In the last five days, we’ve had the harvest moon, the Autumnal Equinox, Mabon, and the first day of fall.  There’s nothing left now but the harvest feast, which we will celebrate on Saturday in accordance with our own traditions.

For city people, harvest is an idea, but in the country, people still actually do harvest.  It’s real and necessary.  Many people who aren’t even farmers do it — put things up, use them up, or put them by.  Outside, the animals and insects harvest — the squirrels unleashing random bomblets of nuts out of the walnut tree, the bees and butterflies grazing the last of the summer flowers.

Harvest comes early in the fall, and it’s easy to feel celebratory as the season begins.  But Autumn as a whole is another matter, stretching on as it does into late December. For many in the European tradition, Autumn is regarded as a melancholy time, a time of death and mourning, as well as rejuvenating rest.  It isn’t too surprising that people of the northern hemisphere would think that, since our cold season is long. For us, the pretty colors are the carrot to get us to go along with what comes next — the bare trees and grey skies.

Looking for an alternate view, I stumbled on the poets of China.  Chinese poetry about autumn is refreshing because there’s so much more emphasis on the beauty of the season and less on its implications. Poets gaze and dream and appreciate the mellow afternoons, the sharp blue skies, and even the autumn rains.  They get drunk under the harvest moon.  Sometimes they write poetry.

Outside my room, across a road, and down a steep bank is a river.  Even if I hadn’t been aware of last night’s rain, I would have known it from the rush of water racing past me on its way to the sea.

Autumn’s element is water. Its secret power is change. Our choice is whether or not to jump in and enjoy the ride.

 

 

 

Why We Still Need Hemingway

You ask, why would a “girl” be interested in reading Ernest Hemingway, sexist bastard that he is.  Don’t patronize us girls.  We know who he is.  We know that there are others like him, just as sexist, right here in 2021.  It does not hurt for us to be reminded.  And anyway, we don’t need to like everything about a guy to like some things about him.

Hemingway is as much the subject of his fiction as he is of his life.  He portrays the manly man, the tough, craggy guy who can get through the worst life can throw at you and come out the other side, not as a hero but as a survivor.

In our politically correct, namby-pamby world, we’re all supposed to speak jargony newspeak or pablum.  But life isn’t like the modern studies department at your university.  Life is rougher than that, a lot rougher.

Sometimes even us girls need examples of people who can get through it without crumbling, who can take our hits and still get up the next morning, aching and cold but alive!  Do you get it?  Alive.  Not pretty, wounded even, full of piss and vinegar and gallows humor, but still kicking, breathing, and willing to try again.

Hemingway is the guy who won’t give up, who can’t give up, until of course, he does.  And on that day, he goes by his own hand on his own terms.

We postmoderns thinks we’re above life, the shitty side of life, the impossible side, the side where quite literally things are blowing up around us.  We think we can live our clean, perfect lives and think clean, perfect thoughts and do nothing but good in this sanitized and sterile world.  

Wrong! Wait til the flood hits you, the war, the disease, the catastrophic job loss, what have you, and then check your thoughts and language and see how perfect you are then.  Ever think how good it feels, not all the time but on very awful, special occasions, to say fuck it and NOT be polite?

Hemingway shows that even if you are a fallible human being in ways that might offend others, you can still survive, and in fact, the very things that make you offensive may also be the factors that enable you to stay on your feet.  Survival takes more than using the right pronouns or pronouncing “Latino” correctly.  Once you reach a certain point, survival is primal, rules be damned.

As students of life, not just literature, we need Hemingway, and most of us are grown-up enough to know how to use him.  

That’s all I got to say.  And I’m a girl.